What Being Unemployed Actually Looks Like For Me Right Now
What Being Unemployed Actually Looks Like for Me Right Now
It’s very jarring waking up as a late twenty-something (I want to throw up just writing that) year old, feeling more lost during the most adult I’ve ever been in my life.
Right now, I’m unemployed, and I don’t think I’ve ever been more stressed, motivated, depressed, and hopeful ALL at the same time.
And I’m not talking a cutesie little “taking time for myself” kind of break.
More like a “standing on my tippy toes, barely being able to keep my lips and nose above the water” type of way.
Fellow internet peeps don’t really show this side of the struggle, and I get it—it’s scary as f*ck. But I know I’m not alone in this, so here I am baring it all to you.
What My Life Looks Like Right Now
My days aren’t structured.
There’s no 9–5. No consistent schedule.
The closest I get to having consistency in my schedule is making my morning coffee before settling down into the daily resume edit, applying to a million jobs a day, and prepping for interviews that haven’t even been offered yet.
Those are the days that make me feel like a sorta have my life put together.
Other days consist of doom scrolling and questioning every choice I’ve made in life.
Both are real and valid (at least that’s what I’ve been convinving myself these days).
How I’m Actually Making Money
Even though I’m unemployed, I’m trying my best to find random opportunities to supplement my income.
My fellow freelancers and self-contractors know we don’t get the privilege, although very little, of falling back on unemployment income while between jobs.
Right now I’m:
Doing freelance wedding content creation (shout out to The Chase Collective!!!)
Helping film videos for Lizzy Capri and other content creators occasionally
Trying to help run CHEAKS (a cannabis brand by Lizzy Capri)
Taking random opportunities when they come up
It’s inconsistent.
It’s unpredictable.
But it’s teaching me how to rely on myself in a way I never have before.
The Mental Side No One Ever Talks About
This is the hardest part.
I know I’m doing everything I can to keep my life afloat, but there’s this constant pressure in the back of my mind like:
“What are you doing with your life?”
Even when I am being productive.
Even when I am trying.
And then there’s comparison.
Seeing everyone around me with stable jobs, promotions, and routines just makes me feel behind, even if I’m on a completely different path.
I think the moments that really gutted my confidence during the unemployed era in my life is really just how I got to this point.
A couple of years ago, I was working my dream job and loving it. I guess all good things do come to an end, and I was laid off along with the rest of the company. I’d never been laid off or fired up until that point, so the only self-soothing I really knew how to do was keep telling myself that none of it was my fault.
I was able to obtain another position for a different company in a different industry, and I absolutely HATED it.
It wasn’t so much the job that I hated, but the individuals I was working for. I ended up getting laid off of that job as well, but to be honest, it was a sinking ship. And not in the “romantic” Titanic style. It was very clear that there was no one on earth who could help these people run their business.
I took being laid off from this opportunity as a blessing in disguise because if I were allowed to stay, my mental and physical health would have been deeper in the gutter than it is now.
What I’m Doing to Stay Grounded
I’m trying (keyword: trying) to build structure where I can.
Right now that looks like:
Training for a 5K (even though I don’t love running yet)
Getting out of the house at least once a day, especially when the sun’s out
Working on this blog and my content
Forming a virtual book club
I’m not perfect with it, but it helps me feel like I’m moving forward even if it’s slowly.
It’s The Small Things That Currently Keep Me Happy
Honestly?
It’s the little things.
Trying new restaurants in Raleigh
Having a glass of wine at the end of the day
Spending time with my boyfriend
Finding random moments that feel like my life is still… fun
Because it is. Even in this weird in-between phase.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 7 years, which means he’s seen me through my most successful period to date, and he’s seeing me through this version of my life too.
And I won’t lie, it’s a bit vulnerable not being in the most “put together” phase while your partner is working and building their career.
But it’s also shown me:
The right person doesn’t expect you to have it all figured out.
If You Can Relate To Me In More Ways Than One…
You’re not behind.
You’re just in a chapter that people don’t post about, which is completely understandable. I mean my hands are sweaty and shaking just typing this out…
And maybe this is the part where things actually start to change for us.
I think this phase is forcing me to actually ask:
What do I want my life to look like?
What kind of work do I actually enjoy?
What am I willing to risk?
And I don’t have all the answers yet.
But I do know this: I don’t want to rush into something just to feel “safe” if it’s not right for me. I’ve felt the sting of jumping into the next thing just because I wasn’t sure if another opportunity would come my way.
This phase is uncomfortable, uncertain, and honestly scary as sh*t.
But it’s also the most honest my life has felt in a long time.
And I think something good is going to come out of it. Even if I don’t know what that is yet.
